free at last

im free at last. im no more married and more importantly, im free of polygamy. HEAVY SIGH>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

it took some doing on my part to get my talaaq. my ex hubby was giving me the run around and the Moulana had to track him down, minutes beofre he boarded the flight, heading for overseas for 6 months. Alhamdulilah he was reached in the nic of time, and he gave me talaaq, albeit, reluctantly.

Ah..can u smell that…..yes..thats freedom. a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. for months ive had to endure unequal treatment, hardship, pain. the man virtually ignored me for months. he libes 5 minutes away from me, yet he never came by to see me of our baby. that really hurt.

then there were rumors that hes taken a 3rd wife. that shattered my world. he kept denying it, but i dont know what to make of it, especially since he wasnt spending any time with me or wife number one. hes a man after all, so who was seeing to his manly needs.

on a bright note………………….a whole new world of mystery awaits me. im enchanted and afraid all at once. there are endless possibilites here. time will tell what the future has in store for me.

the function

STBEH is having a function next saturday. he said he expectx me to attend.its at his family home. but FW (first wife) will be there. im conflicted
part of me wants to go , cos im still his wife. he hasnt divorced me.

but then, im afriad that FW will make a scene. STBEH assured me that she wont make a scene . he said he wont tolerate it. what should i do?

alos i dont want FW thinking that im there to gloathe or rub salt in her wounds cos she still sint ok that me and STBEH are married. she has never accpeted that reality.

wahst should i do?

im inclined to polygamy

if i were to be given a choice to choose btwn monogamy and polygamy, i would opt for polygamy. this is so against my nature 2 years ago and i know many people will think im crazy for this, but its how i feel

i embraced polygamy as a way of life for me. i did all the research read, all the horror stories, was in it for almost 2 years, still in it technically. eventhough, my first polygamous marriage, was a total flop, i havent written off the concept. i can see how it would work well into my hectic life.

i made peace with it and i have no issues about sharing a hubby with another woman, or 2 or 3 other woman for that matter. my concern is justice and equal treatment of all the wives.

to me, polygamy is an adventure. it gives u room to grow and room to explore other aspects of your life. when my hubby is around, i have less time to do the things i want to do. i have to cater for him and his needs and i find little time to read, or do to stuff that i really like

but when hes away, i have the freedom to be my own person, read books, be goofy. i have more time to explore other aspects of my life. and i need that time and space so much, as im on this journey of self discovery.

having a full time hubby around 247 is not what i really want. yet i still long for the security of knowing that im not alone, and that i have someone to share my life with and my dreams with. the time apart does wonders for me.

i believe that polygamy is a beautiful gift from God and if practiced correctly, according to the quran and Sunnah, than many women and men would be reaping the rewards thereof. its sad however, that some men choose to abuse this .

this is a major breakthrough for me. i have come to accept that i didnt just accept polygamy becos i married the love of my life and i couldnt imagine my life without him. it wasnt even about him. it was about me and always has been, it took me so long to figure that out. now with this new knowledge i feel more equipped to face challenges that lie ahead.

im proud to be muslim, and im proud that i have come to accept polygamy. ofcourse its not for everyone. im not saying that im better than anyone cos i love polygamy. this is about me and my preference. i respect all those that value monogamy and arent willing to enter into polygamy. its their choice. t

as polygamy is mine. im not gonna go out there looking for a married man to get into a polygamous marriage with. but if it does happen, im ready and willing to embrace it.

Allah knows best, and if its allahs will that i be in a monogamous , marriage eventhough, i have a preference for polygamy, im not gonna force my hubby to take a second wife, just cos i love polygamy either.

picking up the pieces

first i cried so much. i cried like a baby. i wouldnt eat or sleep. i wouldnt go anyway. i wouldnt bath or even comb my hair. i was down in the dumps. my family had to come and knock some sense into my head.

then i was overly happy for a while. i was in denial. each day i would dress up, put on my make up and stay awake all night waiting for him. but he never came

then i got depressed all over again. ive been on this roller coaster ride for 8 months now. up and down. extreme joy..extreme pain

finally im in healing now. i have accepted the fact that its TRULY OVER and that hes not coming back. PLUS, i dont want him to come back in any event. he doesnt deserve my love or time. not after the way he treated me. he had his chance and he blew it. so its tickets for him now.

when does the pain go away

why does it hurt so bad. why do i feel so sad. why do i cry everyday>
when willl this pain end.

will it end the day he divorces me and set me free. i will observe my 3 months iddah and then have closure

will it end when i find a new love. someone to fill the void in my heart

will it never end? will it end if he decides to come back to me. YEAH RITE>>>keep dreaming girl. he doesnt want me. he left me. he walked out on me. we were so happy together, or so i thought,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,then he upped and left. no disagrement. no arguing. he just left. he lied that he woudl be back the same nite. but next day, he came back like a cowrd, while i was at work and he took his stuff. he didnt even have the gutts to face me and tell em its over. COWard!!!!!!!!! i hate cowards.

no ones reading

no ones reading my blog. guess it takes time to pick up. unless my writing sucks so bad , that its painful to read. how do i market my blog? is it even worth marketing. theres not much to read here, anyways

love hurts

its your fault u didnt love him enough
thats the problem, i loved him too much
and when u love him’
he becomes unattracted to you
hes changed and ill prove u wrong
no u wont
go away , leave us the hell alone
he loves me
he will hurt you
he will stay with me
he will leave u for sure, for sure
this is a retake of my life
i was his star for many nights
now the roles have changed and u the leading lady in his life
lights , camera , now u on

new day

today is a brand new day with endless possibilties. today i choose to be the captain of my own ship. i will steer this ship in the direction i choose. no longer will i allow the wind to blow me in whichever direction it chooses. i am in control.
or am I? who am i kiddin here. theres only one captain and he aint me.

no title

“accept the way things are, for better or worse, because unless you can, your life remains a curse..”

life

today is wednesday the 31st january 2007.its now 12h00 midday. i sit at work with a heavy heart as i write. so much has changed in the space of a year. in 6 days, my baby will be a year old. subhanallah! where did the time go to.